acceptance
And they say, the terrible 2 stage requires wisdom, patience, understanding and above all...unconditional love. All i needed to do was to continue to be consistent in my teaching and firm at the same time when she's misbehaving and patting her on the back when she's ok. Aisyah is 4 and yet she still hasn't overcome the stage (basically she's terrible at every stage...hehe). What we are still learning to adapt is her temper and demand for attention. These are not new but they're getting more extensive these days, especially after the appearance of her sister.
It's never easy disciplining your child, what's more staying at your parents' place. One word of discipline disapproval will brand you a dictator instead when all I wanted to do is just the best for my kid. Yes, all parents go through this phase of self-discovery but when people labelled you as such, you begin to wonder about your discipline method. My method may not be the best but I'm doing my best to raise my own kid. I read from someone's blog (alamak, can't remember who)...
That’s why mothers need either plenty of wisdom to go through motherhood OR the patience to endure OR…the sanity to survive it.
Anyway I have a beautiful story by Ibnu Rashid, a father of 3 (and 4 soon...insyaAllah). It's truly a reminder for me to practise more patience with my children.
The boys made a mess today.
Toys everywhere.
Water colour marks decorating the walls.
Haiyak!
All I could do was paused and looked at the "masterpiece" being done.
Bit my lips ( tahan marah )
and prepare myself a cup of crysanthemum tea.
Relax...take a deep breath....
heee....hoooo...heee...hooo
Then,
I remember how Mak handled me well when I was at my kids' age.
Mak,
in particular,
had an incredible knack of being able to delight in me.
She could verbally express her joy to me
and show it with her body lang,
in every way she acted.
She could enter into my kiddo world and see life through my eyes.
She could jump into my minds and understand my perspective.
I was 6 years old then.
One of my daily play routine was
"war time" between plastic soldiers and die cast cars.
I would ramped the toy soldiers with the cars and alas,
created a big mess in our Circuit road 3-room flat!
One day,
while Mak was doing something in another part of the room,
I slipped into the kitchen and saw an opened packet of flour.
As I ran the flour through my fingers,
I began to think of the "winter war season" that I used to watch on tv.
I walked around to our main hall where the "zero ground" situated.
Flinging handful of "snows" in the air,
and soon "winter season" affect was created
and covered the whole "zero ground"!
For a few moments I was in sheer ecstasy!
Then as I looked around and suddenly realised what a mess I had made.
Sure enough,
Mak happened along a few minutes later and discovered the mess.
You wouldn't blame a busy mother for hitting the roof at a moment like that,
but I recall what happened like this:
Mak reacted much differently.
She entered into my world and understood the delight and ecstasy
that I had felt when I was spreading the snow everywhere.
She sat down and cuddled me and we talked about
the war game and the thrills of it.
She entered into my dreams and let me relive my feelings.
We laughed about the snow that was everywhere
and then we cleaned it all up together.
That snow incident beautifully illustrates what acceptance is all about.
I know till this day that you actually didn't accept the mess.
In fact, you let me know that it was indeed a mess
and they'd better get it cleaned up as quickly as they could.
But at the same time,
Mak .....
you didn't destroy the wonderful feeling
that I had from this experience.
I you Mak!
Instead of clobbering or bawling me out,
Mak lived something out with her son that was very important.
This 'winter season' escapade is just one example of countless times I can remember how Mak would express her acceptance and delight in her child.
She wasn't permissive and didn't let her child get away with anything he pleased.
She always let him know what was right and wrong,
but she always put her acceptance ahead of everything else.
I grew up as if hearing Mak says,
"Being your mother is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done.
There is nothing I would rather do than be your Mak!"
And I've learnt that how showing my acceptance in dozens of ways to my kids will benefit my long lasting relationship with them.
» Post a Comment