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once upon a norza

i am norza and this is my blog

The best discipline method

Aisyah in a good moodNowadays Aisyah whines whenever she can't get things her way. When I don't understand what is going on and try to distract her, she starts to channel her anger somewhere else like swiping a piles of books off the table.

Just yesterday we let her to paint for the first time. For some reason she hasn’t quite figured out that you put the paint brush in the water then into the paint I've extracted onto a plastic plate and then on the paper. She likes to dip the brush in the paint container and then put it dircetly onto the paper. The paint is finished quickly this way and there is no changing her mind about it. In my attempt to show her the correct method, she bent the paintbrush in anger and now it's shaped like a boomerang.

I remember reading that scolding is necessary for the sake of discipline and not out of anger but I can't tahan sometimes. I've been using the timeout method consistently and it does seem to help a lot. I tell Aisyah I'm going to count to 5 and if she don't calm down by then, I will just leave her alone.

If that fails, I will walk away from the scene to prevent myself from screaming back at her. She knows that I am angry with her because she would come to me with her little sweet voice and say "Ibu, happy? Hug...Kiss" and she would hug me and offer her cheek for me to kiss after that.

I know the key is to not get too emotional, but she can make me go crazy and I don't want to spank her. Tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this on a daily basis because the kanda said he had never seen such a behaviour in any kid before (or maybe he hasn't seen enough kids...heh).

kak zee probably has the best method to solve this problem.

Most of America's populace thinks it improper to spank children. The other day I was talking to a fellow worker about methods used to discipline children. We talked about "time outs", grounding, holding back "rewards" until the child displayed desired behavior etc. One of the things we discussed was the act of spanking and my friend explained that no, he does not spank any of his children.

He explained that what he does is to take the misbehaving child out for a ride in the car and talk. He said that usually this works and that the child calms down fairly quickly and really doesn't take too much time.

By removing the child, in this case his son, from the immediate situation and providing a change of scenery, the child is allowed to focus on something different. Once the child has the opportunity to change perspective, things get better quickly and the child has better understanding of his place within the family and begins to understand the families’ concept of acceptable behavior.

He kindly shared a picture of the process which I share with you now.

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At 5:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A lil beat on d hand then...romosher. :)    

At 12:10 PM, Blogger ianz said...

my parents method on me is, they seldom spank me when i'm naughty. But left me alone like u did to aishah and eventually i'll do what aisya did hee. But sumtimes my parents pun tak boleh tahan, tangan jalan on me heehee    

At 1:52 AM, Anonymous Ummu Mukhtaar said...

Salaam sis,
I came upon your blog from the link of Ummu Yassir.

It is great to hear that you try to come up with new activities for Lil' Aisyah. Most of the time, We as mothers always expect what is to be expected. However, for the 1st time in anything, expect the unexpected. Kids like her need the exposure to acquire new knowledge and gain experiences, especially anything for the 1st time.

There are stages in introducing kids new things. I take the example of introducing paint to them. Following are the tips that may help in the process:

1. Introduce one paint at a time. Here there's focus of colour(Science and Math). At another session when the primary colours have been introduced, do let your child experience mixing them(Science). A mess is a must for them(enhance 5 senses). It is part of the learning process. They need to learn to clean up(social skills/responsibility/towards independence).
2. Kids learn thru their 5 senses, hence let Lil' Aisyah use her fingers and toes to experience this. Do let her scribble with them, then in another session, let her do finger/foot printing.
3. Use a bigger piece of paper like the mahjong paper.
4. Conduct the acvtivity best near to the toilet/in the kitchen - to ease cleaning up.
5. Conduct new activity at a relaxed time when you will let your child explore. Expect the unexpected.
6. Give clear, specific intructions . For example, Dip your finger/s into the paint first, then draw with them onto the paper.

With regards to using paintbrushes, it is best to use other bigger alternative like sponges, vegetable cuttings at a later stage when she has enuf of using fingers and toes to scribble/doodle. Prior to doing this, show how each material is to be used like the brushes.

With regards to disciplining, we have to look into situations. According to research, 2 year olds are called the Terrible Twos. But it aint true sometimes. It is mainly till the age of 3 that values can be instilled in them and subsequently, it is thru the daily lives that these values are enhanced/enforced. That is why within this period, we observe that the lil' innocent looking kids will display inappropriate/undesirable behaviour .

I too will give a flying pinch to my 2 1/2 year old son. Geram kekadang. But I am always reminded, 'Manelah budak tu tahu. He yet to know and understand a certain matter. Nak tangan dia, bila dia dah besar sikit (referring to the amount of knowledge that the kid knows and has experienced)'.

If need, you may get my email from Ummu Yassir.


At 8:54 AM, Anonymous ibu aisyah said...

romosher...whenever i do that, she'll give me that dagger eyes look. hehe.

yannie...yah..dah tak tahan sabar ler tuh.

ummu mukhtar..thx for sharing. you're right about expecting the unexpected. definitely cant expect too much from my 2yr old. actually i don't mind the mess she makes but it's her defiance (errmm..i think she got it from me..) that i'm worried about. it will become a habit if it's not nipped at the bud.    

At 11:53 PM, Anonymous Ummu Mukhtaar said...

Salaam sis,

With regards to discipline, time out is not effective in small kids. Time out is used to allow the child to think what he or she has done that is not acceptable. Small kids like Aisyah and my son have not reached the stage of being able to think logically or I should put it as not yet in the mumaiyiz stage. Why? I guess we just have to remind our kids about what is desired/acceptable time and again RATHER THAN WHAT IS NOT. I really hope one day it will bring effect to them.

I tried reasoning with my 2+ old son. He refuses to listen until something happen to him. For example, told him to sit down while drinking, otherwise can cause spills.

Entahlah, I guess at this stage where the kids are, we are also facing power struggles with them. That is why things turn out to be a challenge/struggle in shaping the right behaviour at times.

Ignore and threatens are currently effective for me. But I will use logical threatens until at a certain age when my kid/s are able to understand why he has to carry out the tasks/activities that we get them to do. For example, my son ever had problem to drink water/ milk and even eating. if he refuses to drink more water, I told him it will cause to have problems, thus we then have to send him to the doctor. At this point of time, he doesn't like to go to the dr, let alone hospital as he was admitted before and got the drip needle into him! Poor kid.

I am also trying other method like scaffolding to have my son carries out some tasks especially after the toys have been out. This method really works tapi nak kena banyak sabar dan makan masa. Betul-betul punye sabar. Kekadang tak sabar pun ade.

Any other method? I am still thinking of ways to tackle each and everyday behaviour, hoping that they are more effective.    

At 8:11 AM, Anonymous ibu aisyah said...


timeouts for me is juz to ignore her. i havent actually thought of doing any of the supernanny approach of timeout. like you, ignoring aisyah is the most effective method for me because she knows that when i keep quiet, i disapprove of her behaviour. i guess it will take time and repetition in many situations before they really get it. :)    

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