once upon a norza

I had always wanted to quit and do some freelance work...well, maybe 2-3 times a week. I can be a part-time sahm/freelancer. I don't have to be fully financially-dependent on the kanda and I can help with some bills here and there (although actually I don't have to pay a single cent even when I'm working..hehe). But something is preventing me from putting the letter on the Boss' table. Partly it's because of money. I work in a govt sector and the bonu$ is luring me. Plus all the benefits help a lot especially that maternity leave benefit if I ever do get pregnant again. But I want to do my own stuffs. I keep doing the same stuffs over and over again, and I'm already jaded. Work is a drag. I miss the people at the old place. But the old place paid me very little compared to my peers who are getting fat paychecks so I had to leave.

And then there's the issue of emak who's not going to be favourable with my decision. Afterall she will get to see less of Aisyah. But I'm offering a win-win solution here actally. She can take care of her on the days I'll be working and we get to see more of Aisyah too. Emak can rest more since she was recently diagnosed with arthritis but of course, she probably won't believe this reason.

The kanda is supporting any decision (love him!) I will make which I know that he'll want me to stay home. And Aisyah only grows once. We have missed so many milestones in her life and it's very painful for both of us to be weekend parents.

But I keep asking myself whether I will be making the right decision. Afterall we are just humans, powerless and knowledgeable only enough to survive. I really need His help in this matter.

My colleague has been sending her son who's only 18 months old to weekly enrichment classes. And she remarked that her son is the eldest in the class of 16 month olds. She said, "When your daughter turns 16months, you'd better start sending her to class or she would be left out.." Aisyah is already 16 months and wow...I didn't know that 16 months old toddlers can be sent to class already. During my time, I was running around the house, driving my emak crazy. Of course time has changed. My mom-in-law often remarked how her kids dulu-dulu will sit down quietly, not bothering her much. I must say I'm one hell of a kid last time; throwing tantrums, disobeying my parents, etc.

My colleague's reason to send her son to school was simple; to allow her son to interact with other kids and be sociable, able to share, active, adventurous. Her son is the type who will cry at social gatherings and prefer to play alone. She hopes that by sending him to a weekly enrichment will help him develop these good traits which will make any parents proud. Those whose kids who don't have the above desirable traits will probably lament and have that sorry look on their faces.

Aisyah has many undesirable characteristics...she is shy and screams when strangers try to get close to her. She took months to overcome her fear of my mum-in-law. She's a lil miss fussypot and hard to please. Well, basically she's not the kind of baby that would be a good example in the book of Baby. i get peeved when people commented about so-and-so's child who have good social skills. Or so-and-so's child motor skills are already surpassing many kids. Well, good for them then.

What's wrong with a crybaby? When she grows up, it's good that she can release the tension and not supress it. A less active kid can be an observant kid while a less-adventurous kid can be an analytical thinker. And being a fussy eater can be someone who has a strong opinion on what she likes and what she don't. She knows who she likes and who she doesn't want to associate with if she's not too receptive with strangers.

I prefer to see that every child is different and we know what's best how to nurture them as parents. We'd be in our best behaviour when our mothers showed us the cane last time. But a colleague just related how his kid just replied, "You won't have anymore son if you strangle me, papa..." when he jokingly said to his 7-yr old son that he will strangle him if he carries on being naughty. mamasarah's entry on the different characteristics her children have is one fine example. Even siblings can have different personalities. I know me and my adek are 2 very different persons.